yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
