i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so let's talk penis.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
