I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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