this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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