I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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