office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
