The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
