Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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