i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
