3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
People in love make me want to vomit
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
