ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
