We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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