highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
