if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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