Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
