I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you will always have a special place in my vag
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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