Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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