omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
