I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you didnt know i had herpes?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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