In America we eat man semen.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
