do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
