Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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