Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
