dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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