So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
