i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
