I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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