he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
