tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
