Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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