Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
