I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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