this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
