So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize