There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
