yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
