its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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