I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
