I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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