He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
