so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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