I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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