i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
