You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
