im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.