So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
two words...techno handjob
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..