we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
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If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals