Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his