i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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