I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
