i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
