My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
