yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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