whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
