Can i not drive my cunt home
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
as a side note pls kill me
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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