she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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