Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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