My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
