You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
