P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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