she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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