i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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