Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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