So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
