I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
