final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
