Your mouth is God's brothel.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
this is an emotional support booty call
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
