Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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