i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
