stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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