If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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