If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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