the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
