I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
