Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
