Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
