ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
