I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
