im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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