Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
